Simple Techniques
Powerful Results Lifelong Journey
Powerful Results Lifelong Journey Copyright Zan Z. Packard 2008
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The Adventurous Introvert ™ Founder of Women Alive! ™
Zan Z. Packard, M.A.
The Adventurous Introvert ™
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Letting Go of Limiting Behaviors
by Zan Z. Packard
A limiting behavior is anything that you do automatically - but not in your best interest - in reaction to something. It is usually triggered by a past experience or feeling, and its original purpose was to keep you safe from a real or perceived threat.
If you ever find yourself asking questions that begin with "Why do I always...", or statements that start with the thought "Dammit, I did it again!", then it's likely you are dealing with a limiting behavior.
The universal stages of changing behavior are: Recognition, Trust and Action.
Letting go of limiting behaviors can happen quickly, or over time, but it rarely happens without first recognizing the behavior itself. As with most everything in life, recognizing is the first step. We can't deal with what we don't know about. How many times have you been your own worst enemy? That's recognizing a limiting behavior.
After recognition you have to learn to trust your next step...action. You can do this by deciding on replacement behaviors. You might feel the need to understand why you created your limiting behavior in the first place, but you can also just accept that for whatever reason, you created it to help you cope; to keep you safe; to protect you. In fact, the behavior that is limiting you today was probably perfect behavior at the time it was created---it's hanging on to it that is limiting you and it's time to let go.
You can see that trust and action are happening simultaneously in this process. Often we can easily see what we don't want. It's much harder to see what we do want. For this very reason, it works to spend some time with replacement behaviors- having a plan of action (knowing what you do want) is comforting and will help you move forward.
Step one: After you do your brief relaxation process and invite your inner wisdom to guide you in your daily writing, take a moment to think of all the times you've done something that was decidedly not in your best interest. Your list might be long or short...it doesn't matter because you will start with what comes up for you.
Step two: Look at your list. Do you see a way to group them into similar reactions or themes or feelings? You might notice that your automatic limiting behaviors kick in when you are feeling change, or when you are feeling threatened, or when you are feeling inadequate. All of these feelings can trigger behaviors. Behaviors are the results of feelings. This is vitally important to remember.
Step three: Choose one group from your list to work with. Identify the feeling that you are protecting yourself from. This is what you will work with...you may find that the need to protect yourself from this feeling is no longer necessary - great, then the letting go will come easily.
But if it goes deep and there are layers and layers of behaviors protecting you from this feeling you will need to choose some replacement behaviors while working on understanding your feelings at the same time.
Let your creative brain wander; imagine the very best behavior you could create (given the circumstances). In other words, how would you have rather responded? This will become your replacement behavior goal.
Step four: During your writing time each day this week (or month) spend some time identifying your recent behaviors. Really look at them to see if they are working for or against you. Keep listing them as they come up each day. Allow your thoughts to go where they need to for you to gain clarity and change. Trust the process...you are ready to let go. The time is now and this is your next step....
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