I’ve been Spiritually Out of Sorts (SOS) for a few days. This fact isn’t unusual for me as I’m constantly growing and frankly, most growth is painful. But this latest SOS really hit me hard.
Here's how it happened. On one of my paddle boarding adventures, I asked a friend to take pictures of me on the board. I specifically asked that all of them, the good the bad the ugly, be forwarded to me. (Clue number one: careful what you ask for!).
Let me preface how I was actually feeling that day out on the water - you know, before I saw the pics. I was tired, and this time out, it felt more strenuous and challenging; but I swear, I felt pretty good about my form and in my mind’s eye, I saw myself as standing straight and solid on the board.
Then I viewed the photos. Here's where my egoic mind went to the minute I saw those photos:
1 - I AM old
2 - I AM frail
3 - I’m not There yet
4 - I knew this all along, who the hell was I kidding?
Ouch - did that ever hurt. More than hurt, it felt demoralizing. It threw my self-worth down and stomped it to pieces.
So, I retreated to my world of Spirituality. Meditation, to be precise, and I spent however long I needed to to deal with this emotional wound.
From my meditation practice I was able to reframe my 'truths':
1 - I am old, but I’m not done yet, not by a long shot . . .
2 - I am frail, but I’m a helluva lot stronger than I was a year ago, and I’ll be a helluva lot stronger a year from now. . .
3 - I’m not there yet, oh hell no, I’m just getting started !
4 - Yes, I really do know what my truths are, but I am working my damnedest to not let them define me - EVER.
One other TRUTH I’d like to share with you: Meditation and Grounding practices are my lifesavers. I meditate daily but when something like this rocks me off my game, I go further within and connect to my highest Source until my path re-emerges or a higher path appears.
I tend to view this blip of SOS as a sign that I am on the right path, and this is just another challenge to move through. And what doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.
So yeah, I allowed myself 5 minutes to be emotional, and now I’m back to my old badass self, playing around with personal style - makeup, hair, fashion - having fun and getting ready to share with you soon. Stay tuned.