I like that word - BADASS - it has power to me - I like to say it, I like to feel it, I like to be it. It is always my goal - to let my Badassness fly. But first, let me explain my definition. Badass, to me, means that I can turn struggle into triumph. It’s 99.9% attitude. An attitude of taking control of my life. To own it. The good, the bad and the ugly.
You see, like many, life threw me some curve balls - perhaps they were the consequences of poor choices, but not all - sometimes shit just happens. My 30s were spent gadding about the world, then settling down to be a mom. I started playing it safe because, well, parenthood doesn't come with instructions and that's a real live human being I could seriously fuck up if I weren't vigilant.
But then came this huge defining moment at 40 where I froze in fear of doing something that I used to LOVE doing growing up - All ... The ... Time. I couldn't do it - I couldn't push myself past that fear. How could this have happened? I was rocked to my core. As I dealt with how I let fear define me, I realized that I hadn’t pushed, really pushed, my boundaries for quite a few years, I was stuck and miserable without even consciously realizing it.
However, that moment was when I woke up and took control of my life in a very badass way. I joined a karate class, I became a gym rat, I hiked, biked and camped at every opportunity. I was invincible!! I was as badass as I'd ever been.
But life began to close in on me again in my 50s. I was mom, wife, teacher and student. In a nutshell, I was overextended. I tried to be everything to everyone and ended up not being there for ME. Being a badass was no longer my top priority. I had chronic sleepless nights wondering when it was going to be my turn. Once again, I simply lost myself along the way.
Then the BIG CHALLENGE happened to me: I broke 3 vertebra in my lower back due to advanced osteoporosis. I was sidelined for months, lost my job, and ultimately had to reinvent myself. I was lost. I was physically out of shape and out of practice and I was slowly edging toward frumpy in my personal style. Who the hell was this woman I had become?
But, you know, my broken back was ultimately my greatest gift, because during my many, many days of healing, I dug deep into my inner territory (healed some wounds); I pushed myself at the gym (healed my body); and I broadened my world with adventure (healed my spirit). All of which made me feel like the Ultimate Badass. Sure, I’m old - 66 racing toward 67 - but I am no victim - I don't have to accept my limitations without trying it my way first. I am devoted to becoming an Ageless Badass. It keeps me focused on what really matters to me. I want it all… I still want it all.
My friends know that the word has power to me. To feel like a badass means that I take charge of my life. I don’t meekly accept whatever is handed to me. In another post I will go further in my challenges, but for now, know that when that empowering feeling of badass happens, I am on top of my game - exactly where I want to be.
I am wired for Badassery.